Detoxifying Your Relationship

By Michele Cempaka

I just finished a three day juice detox which was much harder than I had anticipated it would be. On the first day I drank four different juices which consisted of a variety of vegetables or fruits that stimulate the release of one’s toxins. By the second juice I found myself feeling quite ill; my hands began shaking, my stomach became very queasy and I started having hot flashes and sweating profusely. I have never experienced anything like this; it reminded me of what a drug user must go through when s/he detoxes, trying to break free of their addiction.

Detoxifying from any addiction or toxicity in one’s body or relationship can be a very challenging process, but the end result is worth it, as we become clearer and feel a natural lightness that we haven’t felt for many years if ever in our lives. So how then, can we detoxify our relationships? This is the question that popped into my newly cleared brain, which seemed to be performing a heck of a lot better than it was before.

Over the years negativity, criticism and a lack of tolerance seem to creep into many intimate relationships, which eventually results in an accumulation of toxins that pollute and can even ruin a good partnership. Sometimes this toxicity becomes so great, that we start to perceive our partners as parasites or jail keepers who keep us from living our lives fully. There are many reasons for why relationships can become toxic, such as a break down in communication which leads to verbal or even physical abuse.
Before things get to that critical point, we need to take steps to regularly ‘detoxify’ our relationships.

Here are some humble suggestions which may help and may even be fun to try:

  1. For two weeks make a commitment not to complain with your partner or about your partner to anyone.
  2. Make a list of 50 things you love about your partner and share two of these things with him or her every day for two weeks.
  3. Meditate for 10 minutes each day for two weeks visualizing that you now have a perfect relationship with your partner. Imagine everything you want in your relationship as though it is a reality right now. Use all of your five senses in order to make this vision manifest.
  4. For two weeks make a commitment that when someone’s ire is raised, that you will choose not to react in a negative way and instead, either calmly say, “I don’t want to talk about this right now, because it feels too volatile for both of us” or go out of the room and give your partner space and time to cool off. Later, when you have both cooled down, bring up the subject again finding a constructive way to deal with whatever problem you are encountering.
  5. Try laughter therapy together every day for two weeks. I have it from a reliable source, laughter Guru, Madan Kataria, that 10 minutes a day of laughter therapy will change your life by harmonizing all your relationships. It is a natural remedy for anyone who is feeling depressed, angry or anxious, so why not give it a try?
  6. I know this suggestion may sound corny, but it really does work and can be a very powerful healing practice. Every day for two weeks, meditate with your partner for 15 minutes. At the end of your meditation, open your eyes and look into each other’s eyes for 1 minute with the intention of sending the other person love. The eyes are the portals for our inner spirit, so when we send love in this way, it has a deep impact on both our psyches and our spirits.

As with anything we do in life, the more effort we put into it the more we will get out of it. This also holds true for our relationships. Sometimes we forget that we need to care for this just as much as we would devote ourselves to our children or our work. Relationships offer us many challenges, but they also provide us with opportunities for personal growth, as our partners continuously mirror to us our own weaknesses and strengths.